It’s an unfortunate truth that when you have depression, treatment is never simple. Never. There are some, I know, that may disagree with me. For a long time, I disagreed with this point of view. Sometimes, you get lucky on the first try with a doctor or a therapist, hit a treatment plan that works beautifully. The part no one talks about is that the success isn’t permanent, and the complications will come. It doesn’t occur to you that treatment will get complicated, because yours started so smoothly.
I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago after struggling with it alone for about six months. My doctor gave me a prescription for Zoloft, and that seemed to fix everything. It was easy; success with the first drug.
Like I said, though, it never stays easy. I went away to college, and my doctor at home moved to another state. My healthcare consisted of visits to the student health center to keep the refills coming on the Zoloft and my birth control. I recognize now that my depression needed closer monitoring, but I didn’t know it at the time. Instead, I treated it like any other medical condition I had experience with; get the checkups for the refills, and take the medicine. I didn’t know about the potential and likely necessary adjustments.
Depression isn’t a simple “diagnose and treat” condition. It’s a constant balancing act, where one change throws everything else off, and you have to start again. The medication that works now won’t work forever, the therapy technique that works now will have to be modified, and your coping skills are going to require constant updating. Any life change will mess up the delicate balance, if and when you ever manage to find one, including: work, kids, dating, exercise, illness, social contact, moving, death, car trouble, marriage… The list is endless.
Needless to say, I experienced a lot of changes in my life while my treatment stayed the same. It needed adjustment, but I didn’t know any better. For a while, I even took myself off medication entirely, without consulting a doctor (not a good idea, by the way). During this time when I was my own, inexperienced monitor, I experienced some serious lows that I had an awful time coping with, and I even had a manic, self-medicated phase. I experimented with various vitamin supplements, slept too much, and ate erratically at best. But I didn’t know any better; it didn’t occur to me that my treatment needed managing.
I know better now, but I don’t know that knowing makes things any better. It has the potential to. Potentially, all my erratic moods and behavior will get better, and I’ll feel normal. In the meantime, the process feels the same, trying to find the right treatment versus living with the wrong one. Two and a half years on Wellbutrin, which worked wonders for both my condition and previous medication side-effects, and I’m back to square one when it just stops working. One drug makes me too tired, another makes me eat constantly, and another kills my sex drive. My doctor tells me that there’s tons of these drugs, that they all effect everyone differently, and eventually we’ll find the right one, the right combination of efficacy and side-effects.
I hope, but then I wonder. What happens when the “right one” quits working? We start again, and again, and again. Complications are guaranteed, and close, careful management is necessary, though both are often overlooked. Take active charge of your condition, or get someone to help you if you’re in a place that you can’t take charge. And never get complacent.
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I believe part of the problem is that most of these drugs weren't deveopled with the mind set that many of us (even more than are currently seeking treatment…) are going to need these for the rest of our lives. A lot of people only need them for a few months to get through a phase and can get back to where they were orignally. Our problem is, there really isn't a happy state of mind to go back to and need these drugs permanently. I wish there was something that would at least take longer to build a tolerance to so people like us wouldn't have to face this obstacle as often.
Hi Pam – it's really good to see other people blogging about depression and associated problems – glad we found each other!
Thanks so much for coming by and taking the time to comment.
Hello, I first want to say I can appreciate how you talk about this. Depression is not easy and it's not just the person who suffers it's those who are connected to the person as well. Medicines and talking to a professional does work but even in that like you said it takes time.
I think sometimes it can be even harder on the people around you than it is on you, because they don't always understand what's going on. I know my husband is often frustrated by his helplessness in the situation, because he wants to help and either there's nothing he can do or he just doesn't know what to do or how to go about doing it. Both as a sufferer and an observer, you have to give up control and embrace patience. It's damned hard, like you sad.
Thank you for coming by and commenting on this. It can be a hard thing to talk about.
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