I Don’t Mind If Your Kid Stares – Parenting Children with Disabilities

As a parent, it can be a hard thing to know what to do when your child stares at or asks questions about someone they see in public who is different. Especially if they ask within earshot of the person in question. Most of us have been on that side of the interaction, either as the child who is curious or the parent who is probably at least mildly embarrassed by their child’s curiosity. Not everyone has been on the other side of the equation, the recipient of that curiosity. I’m going to write a little bit about that perspective, because until I experienced it, I really had no idea what it was all about.

I think for most of us as adults, the first reaction to someone different is curiosity and slight embarrassment, because as kids, our parents told us not to stare. So we think it’s wrong to wonder, and we feel weird about looking at the other person. What if we embarrass or offend them by looking at them? Children don’t have this feeling until they learn it from their parents; their first reaction is to stare and ask their moms “Why?” And I think that if parents didn’t teach their children to be embarrassed about this situation, everyone would feel a whole lot better. Because nothing’s more embarrassing than being around someone who is too embarrassed to look at you.

I have a three-year-old son with type 1 diabetes. This means that, if we’re going to be out in public for an hour or more, odds are good that I’m going to have to check his blood sugar and possibly give him an insulin dose. We take a backpack of supplies everywhere we go – syringes, insulin vials, a blood sugar meter and a lancet for pricking his finger. And I have to say, it’s a lot more uncomfortable to have someone be embarrassed and try not to stare at us than it is to have someone watch and ask what we’re doing, or just watch and smile. I expect people, and especially kids, to wonder what we’re doing; after all, how often do you go to McDonald’s for breakfast and see the lady at the next table drawing up a syringe and giving her small child an injection?

So my message is this – let your kids stare, and let them ask questions. Encourage them, even. Talk about what you see, and talk to who you see (I know I don’t mind it). That’s how they’re going to learn to be tolerant of differences – if they’re allowed to acknowledge them and learn about them. If you teach them to be embarrassed, then they’re going to think that being different is something to be embarrassed about.

Related posts:

1. Some Days, I Want to Kill My Kid – Dealing With Frustration