photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/chadh-flickr/253969702/}chadh{/link}
photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/chadh-flickr/253969702/}chadh{/link}
“Honesty is the best policy”
We spend a lot of time on translations, and I don’t mean translating between different languages. Few of us actually say what we really mean. Instead, when we have conversations or answer questions, we say what we think the other person wants to hear, or we say what we want them to hear. We soften the language, or tell little white lies or partial lies, or use euphemisms, or just say things that are completely untrue. Then, we have to interpret what other people say to us and determine which of these tactics they’re using. What lies and partial truths are they telling us?
It’s exhausting.
It would be much easier, on both ourselves and on those around us, if we all simply said what we meant. It would ease the confusion, and misunderstandings, and frustration that typically go along with relationships. We’d be free to spend the energy we used to use trying to figure out what other people really mean on other things. Like world peace, or the cure for cancer. Or maybe something less lofty or noble, but you get the idea.
Unfortunately, the world is not perfect, and the only person that you can change is yourself. So, while we can encourage everyone we know to start being completely honest when in their conversations, we can’t force them. And we’ll never really know if they’re being genuine or not. Even if they are, we’ll still have to wonder and interpret accordingly.
But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t bother to change ourselves.
There are plenty of reasons for us to practice being more genuine in our everyday lives, and it’s not just the people we talk to that will benefit from our honesty. We can benefit from it ourselves, as well.
Get a reputation for being genuine
When you say what you mean when you’re talking to people, they notice. In a good way. Maybe not at first, because, let’s face it, it’s hard to believe someone is being honest with us. We’re all at least a bit skeptical about it. But as time goes on and you keep at it, people will start taking notice, and when they talk about you, that’s what they’ll say. It makes an impression you can be proud of and that the people hearing about you will notice and remember.
Set an example and people will follow your lead
People naturally mirror the behavior of others. So if you start taking honesty to heart and are genuine in your interactions with others, those people you interact with will start to mirror your honest behavior back to you. Now, there’s more to it than that, obviously, and not everyone is going to follow your lead when you set an example of honesty. But since people tend to notice honesty in others and will likely note that you’re a genuine person, in a positive way, people will tend to mirror the behavior that they noticed and admire in you.
You’ll start to recognize honesty in others
Practicing being genuine and honest is a great way to start recognizing it in other people. You’ll also start to recognize when they’re being dishonest with you. This is part of the benefit of not having to employ your own internal storyteller when you’re talking to people; you can use some of that energy and focus to clue in to the other person’s body language. Rather than paying attention to what you’re saying and how you’re saying it, and focusing on whether the other person believes you or not, you can turn that attention on the other person, what they’re saying, and how they’re saying it. You’ll start to learn what people look like when they’re being honest and genuine. A good skill to have.
Conclusion
How honest are you, really, with the people you interact with? Do you plan to change at all? Why?
Further reading and resources
Here’s a guide to honesty for kids.
Want to try a book on practicing honesty and being genuine in your everyday interactions? This one comes highly recommended. Getting Real by Susan M. Campbell
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Good timing. I’ve been working on this recently. I’m not very good at being genuine sometimes.
What have you been doing to work on it?
Interesting, I did a post about this subject a while back, however, my take on it was if you do not say what you mean, people are not going to know what your needs are.
I have found by saying what I mean, my family feels less stress. They are not having to guess what is going on in my head. I feel less stress and resentment because my needs are being met.
Saying what I mean has led to more open discussions in my family, and they are more willing to say what they mean, so their own needs are met.
This is another good reason to be honest and genuine. It’s really frustrating to have to guess what people want from you and then have them get mad at you for not giving it to them.
I’ve found the same benefits as you. My relationships are a lot less strained when people don’t have to guess what I need or want and when I don’t say things in code.
Thanks a lot for bringing up this point.
So true. I work daily with people of different nationalities. One thing that I have noticed is that if you beat around the bush with a requirement, trying to make it appealing or seam not so urgent, you can expect that they won’t place as much attention to it as you may think it deserves. This will only lead you to feel that that person is not taking you seriously. What is actually happening, is that that person is taking you by your word and has placed your requirements below the other thousand of things which they need to accomplish. It turns out to actually be your fault and not theirs. Both them and you will be more appreciative if you come out and say it how you mean it…
This comes back to what Melissa said above, though in a different context. The only way to get what you want is to ask for it clearly. Beating around the bush, as you put it, is just going to irritate and frustrate everyone involved.