photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonythemisfit/4073012178/}Tony the Misfit{/link}
The title pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?
We’ve all felt sorry for ourselves, and it’s likely that at least some of those times, we had good reason to. Sometimes, through no fault of our own, life just craps on us. Ever been hit by a passing bird? Yeah, same feeling.
What is self-pity?
Self-pity is a natural reaction when life deals us something unfair, although other emotions often come along with it: anger, frustration, amusement, disbelief. The important thing to remember at these times is, these feelings are a cue, not a response. They tell us we need to do something about what just happened. For instance, go take a shower if a bird poops on you. You can stand there pissed off or feeling sorry for yourself all day long if you like, but you’ll still be covered in bird crap.
Self-pity is only a problem when you don’t do anything about it. Then, it festers and leads to negativity and unhappiness.
Why self-pity?
We often feel self-pity because we want other people to feel sorry for us, or because we think no one does. There’s a problem with this thinking though; having other people feel sorry for you does nothing for you. Pity is as useless as self-pity, because, like self-pity, it’s usually not followed by any kind of helpful action.
Pity can lead people to try to help someone else, but a lot of the time, people simply feel sorry for someone and then move on without doing anything about it. Those who act, on the other hand, don’t always (or even usually) feel bad for you.
Let’s say you’re standing on the beach and get pooped on by a passing seagull. You have two friends with you. One of them sees what happened, immediately feels sorry for you, and tells you how bad they feel about it. The other one laughs at your misfortune while they go get a hose and a towel to clean you off. Which one do you appreciate more, in the long run?
You don’t need pity; you need action.
What to remember about self-pity
While you may be perfectly justified in feeling sorry for yourself, it’s going to get you nowhere. Feel bad, but then move on and try to figure out how to fix the situation that’s upsetting you.
And don’t worry about whether or not other people feel bad for your situation; it doesn’t matter. Pity that doesn’t lead to help is just as useful as someone not caring at all.
If you need help, ask for help. Don’t look for pity. If you need to act, then act. Because self-pity is getting you nowhere.
What do you think?
Do you agree, or disagree? Why? Do you have anything to add? Please, comment.
If you’re new here, or just haven’t done so yet, join our weekly email newsletter or add Social Discomfort to your RSS reader.
Related posts:
By the way, I spent the day at the beach today, and every time a seagull flew overhead, I wondered if it was going to hit me, lol.