The Anti-Social Guide to Socializing

Just because you don’t generally like being around people doesn’t mean that you don’t want to hang out and have a good time once in a while.  Some people are social butterflies, spending at least a few nights a week out doing things with their friends and family and feeling lonely and bored when they don’t have something to do and someone to do it with.

Others, like me, are less social, and are even accused of being anti-social.  We go out with friends on occasion, but most of the time we’re happy to stay at home and read a book or rent a DVD, and the people we live with are more than enough social interaction.

The problem with being anti-social, or at least partly non-social, is that when the time comes and you need to be around people to have a good time, it can be a bit awkward.  Sometimes, it can even seem downright impossible, since if you usually scorn human interaction, you’re probably not on the invite list to any good parties this weekend.  It takes a little more effort to find a social situation and get out, but, let’s face it, even anti-social people can get lonely once in a while.  So here’s a short guide to make this painful process go a little smoother.

There Are Online Options

For those of you who really don’t need much to satisfy your craving for social interaction, finding something online may be the answer.  There are discussion groups, chat rooms, and blogs (like this one) where you can find a good conversation and exchange ideas with people other than the ones you live with and are forced to see and speak to every day.

Facebook is a good place to start, since they have groups about almost everything.  There’s also Orkut, which is a Google service full of online communities you can join.  You can search for chat rooms on any topic that interests you, or find a forum full of people you have something in common with.  There are too many resources to list, so instead of trying to recommend some, I’ll just direct you to your search engine of choice.

Choose a Good Venue

This is usually where I get stumped.  I want to go out and do something, maybe hang out with some friends or meet new people, and I have no idea where to go.  Depending on where you live, this can be very difficult, or only a mild frustration.  In New York City, for example, opportunities abound; in the middle of nowhere, not so much.  The trick is to find a situation that you’ll be at least somewhat comfortable in, so then you’ll feel more comfortable talking to other people there.  If you feel so awkward and out of place that it has forced you into silence, then you’re probably not going to be too successful.

A bar or nightclub can work, if that’s your thing, but unless you enjoy feeling uncomfortable and worrying about being mugged, try to avoid the seedy ones.  You can take a weekend class, or go to the weekly street fair, or look for some other community events to attend.  You can also go to Meetup.com and look for a group in your area that you might enjoy and then sign up for their next event.  It may take a couple of tries before you hit on something that works, but unfortunately, that comes with the territory when you don’t make socializing a regular part of your life.

Get Some Help

Most of us have at least one friend (if you don’t, I’m genuinely sorry about that, and you’re more than welcome to check out the Contact page and drop me a line).  And if you’re one of the really anti-social people who need help getting out, that friend probably has more social connections than you do.  Ask them for some backup.  Go to the next shindig they’re hosting, or ask them to come along with you somewhere.  Going somewhere alone with the purpose of trying to meet people is scary, but if you take someone with you, you won’t feel so exposed.  Besides, since human interaction is the goal, just hanging out with your friend will probably take care of your social itch.

Encourage People to Talk to You

So, you’ve chosen a venue, gotten all cleaned up and ready to go, and maybe are taking along a friend.  The final step is to actually be successful in your quest for person-to-person contact.  Whether by choice or by some unfortunate turn of events, anti-social people generally aren’t people-pleasers.  We don’t have that spark that draws the attention and admiration of half the room, we don’t tell great stories that make everyone laugh, and we don’t have the smile that endears us to everyone we meet.  If being with people were that easy for us, we probably wouldn’t be anti-social in the first place, and if we are anti-social by choice while possessing all of these qualities, we probably don’t need a guide like this.

Pay attention to the way you present to yourself.  Smile!  Uncross your arms and legs, and don’t position yourself against the wall in a corner.  You want to make yourself look inviting, not unhappy about being there.  Try to keep all of your muscles loose.  Here’s a list of body language tips you might want to check out.

Practice

Obviously, anything you want to be good at is going to take practice.  On the other hand, if you’re truly anti-social, you aren’t going to want to practice much.  You’ll have to find a balance here, between not wanting to be constantly surrounded by people and wanting to actually be able to interact with people well when the mood strikes.  Make some mental notes every time you go out, think about what works and what doesn’t, and experiment a little to find something that works regularly for you.

Please, share your own tips in the comments.  And if you enjoyed this post, please recommend it to your friends via Facebook, Twitter, email, or your social networking or bookmarking service of choice with the Share/Bookmark link below, the Facebook Like or Share buttons, or the Twitter retweet button.  Thanks!

– photo by moriza, courtesy of Flickr

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