Maybe You’re Not a Failure After All

photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/ncc_badiey/3095099782/}Nima Badiey{/link}

A lot of people walk around every day feeling like they fail at life. Hell, I’m probably at the front of the line, waving the banner. Not just depressed people, though (as I’m not exactly a golden ray of sunshine). Everyone. I’m hard-pressed to find someone I know personally who is truly happy with their life. Are you, or do you find yourself thinking the following things on a regular basis:

• I need to eat healthier and exercise more
• I’m not as good a parent as I should be
• I don’t make enough money
• I should try to be a better friend
• I should try harder at work
• I need to spend more time with my kids
• I drink too much (soda, beer, coffee, etc.)
• I hate my life

Okay, so that last one is a bit extreme, but you get my point. We spend a lot of mental energy berating ourselves about what we’re doing wrong with our lives rather than enjoying the good things and praising ourselves for the things we’re doing well. I think I’ve thought everything on that list TODAY, and it’s barely afternoon. Not only that, but I consider myself to be reasonably happy with my life. Sad, huh? Very few of us, if any, know someone who thinks they’re a good parent, friend, spouse, employee, and all-around person, and who talks to other people about how they managed to keep their temper with their kids for two days in a row?

Instead, we look at the strengths of others and compare them to our own weaknesses. Not exactly fair, is it?

Let’s blame someone for all this negativity

No, I’m not going to tell you to point a big, fat finger at yourself for thinking all these negative things about yourself. I could, but the problem goes deeper than that. After all, we had to learn it somewhere. Our parents? Closer, but still not the root of the problem.

To be nice and vague (and cliché), society is to blame. Kind of like they’re to blame for body image problems in women and money problems in the debt-ridden masses. This isn’t an attitude that each of us has developed individually; this is something our culture has internalized, and I can sum it up in one short phrase:

I’m not good enough.

This is the flip-side of our attitude about self-improvement; we think that we should constantly strive to better ourselves. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, the implication is that we’re not good enough as we are now, and that we’ll only be good enough if we’re better. And no one can excel at everything, so there will always be something about us that we think sucks.

What can I do about it?

Other than those narcissistic individuals we all know and hate, most of us could benefit from going easier on ourselves. There are a couple of ways to do this, some more fun than others.

photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/55391407@N03/5137410738/}M 93{/link}

First, you can do some reverse comparisons between yourself and someone you think is better than you in some way. Maybe your neighbor makes more money than you, and you find yourself constantly comparing your possessions to his. He has a BMW; you have a used Toyota. He took a vacation to Hawaii for three weeks; you spent two nights on a friend’s couch and went to the beach for a day.

How does your neighbor’s life suck? Does he have to work weekends? Are his kids obnoxious little shits? Does he wear flip-flops and black socks? Think about THAT every time you start telling yourself you want his life, and you won’t be nearly so depressed about your own.

Another way to do this that doesn’t involve mentally putting down your neighbor at every opportunity is to compare yourself to yourself. Whenever you think of something about your life that you hate, try to think of something else that you’re awesome at. It helps if the two things are somewhat related – you’re not likely to care that even though you make minimum wage, you have great fashion sense. You’d do better to compare making minimum wage to the fact that you love your job and can’t wait to go there every day.

Just cut yourself some slack

The point is to negate all those negative thoughts before they can get to you. And it’s harder than it sounds, because you’ll often find yourself thinking “who cares?” when playing the comparison game. Just remember, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. (and if you know who this quote is from, please tell me. I can’t remember.)

Do you walk around feeling like you’re not good enough? What do you do about it?

Related posts:

1. Changing Negative Thinking – Why Bother With a Positive Outlook?
2. How to Work Past Your Fear of Failure
3. Anger and Depression, Two Sides of the Same Coin
4. Glorifying Workaholics: Why It Has To STOP
5. Everyday Happiness